Some Thoughts about Grief

On Friday, August 22nd, 15-year old Reynolds High School sophomore Matthew Gfeller was fatally injured in the first game of the football season. The shock has been tangible. Associates’ therapist, Teresa Tindall, shares some thoughts from her experience leading teenager support groups for Hospice & Palliative Care of Greensboro.

“The first thing to remember about teenagers is that they feel invincible. They believe that nothing will happen to them. So to have a peer die is a unique type of shock for them,” Teresa shared. “As parents and teachers, it will be important to stay more in tune with his friends and classmates throughout the whole school year. Every football game will be a reminder, holidays, special school events such as trips or proms.”

The five stages of grief--denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance—are familiar to most adults. Teenagers, however, may never have heard of these so may not be prepared for all their different feelings or the length of time it takes to make the journey. Keeping lines of communication open will be vital. Invite them to share their story because they will want to be heard.

“The most important thing to do is watch,” stated Teresa. “Some may experience survivor’s guilt--What if that last play had been different? Girls may experience self-blame—I should have been nicer to him. Others, who were merely acquainted with the young man, may idealize that connection and build it into something more in their own minds than it actually was. If teachers or parents notice a change in personality i.e. becoming withdrawn or a change in performance i.e. as falling grades, it would be important to explore some of these possibilities. This is crucial if parents are aware of a family history of depression or suicide.”

Psalm 34:18 tells us that, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” It is important that the brokenhearted know that there are people, too, that they can count on as well for support and encouragement as they journey through grief perhaps for the very first time.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with grief that seems overwhelming,
call 336-695-0065, ext. 203, to reach out for support.