Is Your Marriage a Garden or a Thorn Bush?
An Interview with Dr. Karolyn Thompson

Using the example of a garden, Associates’ therapist, Dr. Karolyn Thompson, describes the blessing of cultivating a marriage. 

Many couples fall in love, marry, and assume the job is completed.  They tend to feel that everything else will work out automatically.  But hardly anything could be further from the truth.  A successful marriage does not come spontaneously or by chance.  The successful marriage involves two people working out small difficulties as well as big ones.

Marriage offers tremendous rewards if we enter into it wisely.  On the other hand, relationships are destroyed because of unrealistic or failed expectations. 

How would you describe a marriage that is a garden?

To begin with, a garden is a piece of ground appropriated to cultivate plants or flowers.  A garden as it relates to marriage may be described as a rich and well nurtured relationship that is consistently prepared for growth and development.  This increase is beneficial to both spouses because the environment is favorable for yielding high-quality results such as positive attitudes, acceptable behaviors, and exceptional love.

What are some ways a marriage can be cultivated? 

The relationship can be cultivated by maximizing the potential of your spouse. The woman and the man bring something unique to the marriage. There is something incredible about your spouse; and so, you like what you see and want to make it better. Through intimate conversations and time spent together, you discover what do to nurture the other person.  By encouraging your spouse, you make the relationship the best it can be by monitoring your actions, guarding your heart, and refining your spouse. 

Describe a marriage that may be identified as a thorn bush.

I want to describe the attributes of a thorn bush.  First, it is a tree or shrub with spines or sharp, woody shoots.  The spines in the case of marriage might represent anything troublesome, great difficulties or impediments. Overall, difficulties in the relationship may be anything that prevents the growth of good marital principles.  Whatever issues arise, they could be characterized as being harassing and perplexing.

What are some things that may be troublesome in a marriage?

Discord or conflict causes a relationship to become unhealthy.  Often, couples have not been taught how to handle conflict in positive ways or have not been exposed to good role models.  Another concern is that faulty communication is aggravating to another person to the degree that too many hurts and pains reside in their heart.  For example, a person may use cruel and unjustified language. Then unresolved issues surface which makes it difficult for couples to have sensible discussions.  Lastly, anything that would agitate, anger, or disappoint your spouse could be considered as thorns in a relationship.  If you focus on or react to your spouse’s weaknesses or shortcomings, your marriage will be compromised resulting in the withdrawal of love.

What are some suggestions to resolve issues in a difficult marital relationship?

First, respect your spouse; it is a way of communicating acceptance and regard for another person.  Next, become aware of how your behavior affects your spouse. No one should feel mistreated by someone who professes to love them. Understand that marriage is demanding.  It calls for knowledge, combined with effort, maturity, and patience, in order to achieve the rewards it offers.  Marriage is to be a human object lesson of the divine relationship between Christ and the believers. 

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