Suffering in Silence

The standard greeting—“How are you?”
The standard reply—“Fine.”
But what if everything isn’t fine? What then?

Most of us remember the case of Scott Peterson sentenced to death in CA for the murder of his pregnant wife, Laci, and their unborn child, Conner. That was thousands of miles away in CA. Yet in recent months, NC has made the headlines with the murders of 3 female soldiers, two of them pregnant, by their lovers or ex-husband. And then there is the unsolved murder of the Cary jogger, mother of 3. Domestic violence knows no boundaries—geographic, social, economic, educational, or religious.

Abuse comes in many forms. At its core, it is one partner in an intimate relationship working to control the other through force or intimidation. It may be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, psychological, or financial.

According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund more than 3 million women are physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends each year. The US Department of Justice statistics show that approximately 2000 women are murdered annually by an intimate partner. We know immediately that beating someone is wrong. But what of abuse that doesn’t leave physical marks?

In “The Silent Epidemic” (Today’s Christian Woman, May 2, 2007), Brenda shares a story of a marriage where verbal and emotional abuse were so commonplace that she didn’t even realize she was being harmed. After 20 years of assaults against her self-worth, she finally realized her husband’s attacks were not true and were not her fault. One day a friend’s comment helped her see she had been basing her identity on her husband’s perception of her instead of God’s. When she tried to talk to him about it, the abuse became physical.

The standard question then is—“Why not just leave?”
The heart-wrenching answer is—“I have no where to go.”

In many cases, the husband is the breadwinner. The wife may be without skills, a job, or funds of her own. Often she has been stopped from keeping in touch with family or friends so may have no support system on which to call. Then there are the children—which many shelters cannot accommodate. Finally, is the fear that they will not be understood and by attempting to leave, they will make the abuse worse.

If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic violence, get help. See a counselor for direction. Call Family Services for help. Call the police for safety.
Don’t wait until it’s too late.

©2008 Associates in Christian Counseling, all rights reserved.