Celebrating the Holidays: How to Navigate the Planning -
Dr. Karolyn Thompson

As spouses think about making decisions on how to spend the holiday, they might consider that concessions must be made that are beneficial to the family. The way to do that depends on how to make the celebration unique to the wants and needs of the family.  Such decisions can be stressful to say the least, but the focus is to celebrate special occasions by spending time together.

Initially, spouses must express their thoughts and feelings based on showing respect for one’s personal preferences.  It is common that pressures and expectations might affect how a decision is made.  Honest communication often does not yield the results that are anticipated, but couples generally learn to adapt or compensate so that the holiday will go well.

Next, don’t forget to consider feelings of in-laws in what you decide to do; they usually want to enjoy the pleasure of your company.  This will eliminate any conflict especially when traditional roles have been observed.

Last, you can complete a holiday worksheet to solidify your thinking.  Holiday pressure can be tough on dual career families.  This will allow you to decide where to go and how to celebrate the holiday.

These are some considerations for holiday planning and decision making.

1.  Check with your spouse before responding to any invitation.  It is always respectful to get their opinion.  Few people like last minute surprises.  The promise to love and honor your spouse serves as a reminder that oneness has been created.
2. Be sensitive to and care for your spouse’s wishes.  The healthy goal is to remain loyal to your spouse.  Recognize that you and your spouse are a couple and are on the same team.
3. Make a decision. There are times when you sit on the fence—but make a decision on which in-laws to invite.  A suggestion is to discuss all areas of potential conflict and then create a plan.  Agree on what you are going to say when the uninvited side becomes annoyed.
4. Tell other people your wishes immediately.  If you do not want to accept an invitation, do not avoid the issue.  Early notice is always a good idea. 
5. Respect your own decisions. Whining after the fact adds pressure and produces feelings of guilt.  Besides, you have learned to set boundaries. It is ok to say no and mean it.
6. Sacrifice tradition.  There is no denying that holidays can be tense under normal circumstances, but if you want to vary the celebration because of potential conflict or other complicated issues, then do so.

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