Too Much Stress Too Soon: Stress and the Hurried Child

Archibald D. Hart, PhD

Reprinted with permission from Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 2

Day by day our children’s world is becoming more menacing. Fathers murder their children to take revenge on their ex-wives; school violence is at an all time high.

But as serious as the conflict in our world may be, it pales into insignificance when we consider the internal battle all children now face: the struggle to survive in our fast paced, modern existence. The accelerated pace of life brought about by modern technology and rapidly shifting social and cultural changes is not friendly to children. In fact, it is downright dangerous, producing accelerated “wear and tear” on the child’s body, mind and spirit. It may not always manifest itself immediately, but later in life our children will ‘pay the piper.’

What is alarming is that the damaging effects of stress are appearing earlier in our children’s lives. A recent Associated Press release reports that the fastest growing group needing antidepressants are children under 12. The teenage depression rate is now at its highest, and adolescent rage is now an everyday occurrence.

Clearly, changes are taking place in the teenage brain that are most alarming. Parents, as well as counselors, need to be better informed about the damaging consequences of prolonged adrenaline and cortisol arousal, the ‘fight or flight’ response, on the child’s ability to learn, feel true pleasure, and live a tranquil life.

As someone who has spent most of his life studying and researching stress, let me spell out the problem as clearly as I can: the most damaging stress to children is not that which comes from the bad things of life (such as wars, violence, floods, droughts, conflict and disease), but the stress embedded in their hurriedness, and in their over-stimulating world.

Hurried children will become highly stressed teenagers, and highly stressed teenagers will become emotionally troubled adults.

Too much of a good thing
Today’s children are busier than ever before. ‘Hurriedness’ comes from not having enough time to do all that needs to be done. Between extra-curricular activities, sports, music, Karate lessons, etc., their days are filled with media temptations, junk TV and late night entertainment. Children everywhere are under slept and feel the effects of this over stimulation with a variety of stress symptoms.

I believe that the pace of the modern life, not only the bad things but also the good things, is putting us beyond the bounds of God’s design for the human body. Their just is not enough ‘recovery time.’ Sabbaths no longer figure in our reasoning as Christians.

Children are being over-stimulated by the many demands placed on them and by a wide range of media activities. Just one example: the noise level in popular music now is so high that it is feared that most have impaired hearing by the time they exit their teens (and you though it was just you they were not listening to!).

Even Christian concerts for young people these days are more like fests for adrenaline junkies than feasts for the spiritually hungry. Unwittingly, I believe, many evangelical activities are ‘co-dependent’ and pushing young people into more stressful situations, not providing a haven from hurriedness.

In short: it is too much, too soon for our children. The high stimulation of adrenaline associated with everything from entertainment to accomplishment pressure, is putting our children (including our Christian children) at risk for what many are now calling an ‘addictive road.’ The constant bombardment of adrenaline through stimulating activity corrupts the pleasure center or ‘feel-good’ pathways in the brain (called the “Locus Acumbans”), and sets us up for all sorts of addictions, including sexual, work and thrill seeking (says Dr. Eric Nestler of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center). Adrenaline may be a good thing in a crisis, but it is disastrous as a lifestyle.

What can parents do?
Like so many contemporary problems, it is easier to diagnose than cure them. Mostly, we just shrug our shoulders and say, “That’s the way it is—learn to live with it!” Older generations have always seen the younger through jaundiced eyes!

But it is much more serious than any generational gap. The emotional and physical destructiveness of the hurriedness we unwittingly impose on our ‘fast track’ children will come back to haunt them (it already is). It cannot be ignored. Our Christian homes ought not be adrenaline factories, but ‘safe havens’ for our children, providing them with the recovery time and opportunities they need to overcome the effects of hurriedness.

Apart from being informed about how stress impacts your children, you should make it a high priority to safeguard your child’s welfare wherever you can. This means that parents need to carefully review both their attitudes and behaviors that might be contributing to their children’s stress. If you are a hurried parent, don’t be surprised if your children follow suit. It helps to remind yourself often that your child is a gift from God, ‘on loan’ so to speak, for just a brief period of his or her life.

Your first responsibility is not to turn your child into some sort of ‘fast track’ big-shot, but to foster a balanced, self-disciplined, and hopefully Christ-like character in someone who has mastered the essential skills to buffer him or her against the storms of adult life. Whatever ‘success’ your child then achieves will be a lot healthier.

Archibald D. Hart, PhD, is a psychologist, professor emeritus Fuller Theological Seminary School of Psychology, best-selling author, and Executive Editor & Director of International Relations for American Association of Christian Counselors.