Giving Yourself Away

Women are often described as nurturers, nest builders, and care givers. Christian women, in particular, often see themselves as the “Marthas” in their homes, extended families, neighborhoods and churches. But what happened to Martha?

In Luke we read the story of two sisters—Mary and Martha. Martha opens her home to guests, gets distracted by all the preparations, gets aggravated with her sister, and then wants Jesus to fix it. Perhaps Martha needed some boundaries in her life. For Christian women, both gender and faith may reinforce the notion that they not consider boundaries but should serve everyone.

Associates in Christian Counseling therapist, Dodie Caudill, suggests that good boundaries are necessary for good self-care. She sometimes asks clients to consider what would happen to their cars if they never changed the oil. Cars and life will do well for a while, but sooner or later the lack of good care will lead to a breakdown. She went on to say that a lack of good boundaries is one of the factors which can lead to clinical depression as a result of the depletion and hopelessness a person experiences.

Dodie provides the following suggestions to begin to develop good, healthy boundaries:

• Recognize that you have a right to have and maintain boundaries in your life.
  Low self-esteem may make this a difficult task. Seek professional help if
  necessary to begin to see yourself in a new, healthy way.
  
• Ask yourself, “What do I need the most right now that I’m not getting?”
  The answer might time alone, time for self-expression, time for exercise.
  Try to identify a starting place.
  
• Remember that if we look to Jesus as our example, He took time for good self-care. Scripture records a number of times when He went apart from crowds and and His disciples to pray.

A person’s core needs cannot be ignored indefinitely. In order to care for yourself as you would for others, consider developing healthy boundaries.

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If you are struggling with low self-esteem or poor boundaries,
call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, to set up an appointment.