Forgiveness

Our focus for February and March has been on apology languages in anticipation of Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas being the special guests at our annual banquet. Learning to speak in someone’s apology language, however, is only half of the story. What about forgiveness?

In a Christian worldview, the first thought which comes to mind is God’s forgiveness of us through Jesus’ sacrifice. The traditional hymns sing of His pardon. One of the definitions offered in Webster’s New World College Dictionary is, in fact, pardon. The other parts of that definition, however, may speak more to our human relationships: “give up resentment against or the desire to punish; to stop being angry with.”

Dr. Chapman in The Five Languages of Apology shares that he is “convinced that the need for forgiveness is universal and that acknowledging that need is the essence of an apology. Apologies grow out of an awareness that my words or behavior has violated the trust of others or has offended them in some way. When these offenses go unacknowledged, the relationship is fractured….If neither of us extends the olive branch, the quality of our relationship will continue to diminish.” (p232)

Webster’s definition, to give up resentment against another and to stop being angry, would certainly be a good prescription for mental health. In Forgive & Forget, the late Lewis Smedes described forgiveness as a journey from hurting and hating to healing and reconciliation. Whether a relationship can or should be reconciled, harbored resentment will only damage our own emotional well-being. Smedes tells us that “you will know when forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

In the closing chapter of their book, Chapman shares a personal story about his granddaughter. She had disobeyed her grandmother. When confronted about her actions, she tearfully said, “I need somebody to forgive me.” Smedes describes this as “love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk.” (pxii)

Perhaps there are people in your life whose forgiveness you know you need, or those to whom you have denied forgiveness in the past. Today might be the day to extend that olive branch, to speak that apology language, to seek or offer forgiveness and begin the healing process in a fractured relationship.

If you are struggling with unforgiveness in your own life, or wanting
direction on how to seek the forgiveness of another, we can help.
Call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, for an appointment.

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