Fathers and Sons

When we talk about father-son relationships, we think of two people. But a son becomes a husband. What emotions will he bring to the relationship with his wife? And to the children they may have together? From a spiritual perspective, God is our Father. How will his relationship with an earthly father shape his view of his heavenly Father?

Scripture is full of instructions to both fathers and sons. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul admonishes fathers to “not exasperate their children but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” In Colossians he warns that embittering them will lead to their discouragement. So how is a wise father to discern the line between training and exasperation? Proverbs are full of comments regarding sons—the wise ones that bring joy to a father (10:1) and the foolish one who is his father’s ruin (19:13). So how does a son become his own man while navigating the boundary between joy and ruin?

Psychiatrist and family therapist, Dr. Frank Pittman, describes how complicated it is for men in a culture where they are raised by women (their mothers) while their fathers are discouraged from being close enough to neither talk about masculinity nor provide a demystified role model for it. “What goes on between the father and son—and what does not go on between them—is surely the most important determinant of whether the boy will become a man capable of giving life to others or whether he will go through life ashamed and pulling back from exposure to intimacy with men, women, and children” [Psychology Today, Sept/Oct 93, Article ID: 1620] What of intimacy with God?

In a speech given in Italy in March, 2000, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, said, “Human fatherhood gives us an anticipation of what God is.” As believers, our faith journey is to become more like Jesus. If we consider Jesus’ relationship with his Father, we see love and communion. The Father speaks of being well pleased with His Son. The Son spends time with the Father in prayer. Yet as Jesus prays in the Garden, we hear absolute honesty and intense emotion. There is no reserve or guardedness about appearing vulnerable. If the life of Christ is our model, should we not look to His relationship with His Father as the model for a healthy father-son relationship?

For suggestions on healing wounds or strengthening your relationships with a father or son, be sure to read the interview with Dr. Heath Greene or one of the books listed in Book Reviews.

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If you would like to grow in intimacy in your relationships but don’t know how to start, call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, to make an appointment.