And they lived happily ever after...

Most young girls enjoy fair tales complete with Prince Charming carrying the princess off on his steed…and they live happily ever after.  For many, marriage isn’t a fairy tale.

According to The Barna Group in a study released in March, 2008, 4 out of every 5 adults have been married at least once.  Of that number, 33% have experienced at least one divorce.  Two categories they define are born-again Christians and born-again evangelical Christians with the later group representing those with very detailed beliefs regarding the Bible, Satan, grace and evangelism.  Born-again Christians experience a divorce rate of 33% while the rate for evangelical Christians was 26%.  When these groups are combined and adjusted for sampling size, the average is 32%--only 1% less than the national average [www.barna.org, The Barna Update, “New Marriage and Divorce Statistics Released”] 

If as Christians we believe that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), how can we explain what statistics show?  Perhaps it goes back to that fairy tale.  When Prince Charming rides off with the damsel, we don’t hear disagreements about money, or who takes out the garbage, or how the children will be disciplined.  It’s simply wonderful music and fragrant blossoms.

As we look at these statistics of divorce, one additional statistic is not represented and may be hard to quantify—the impact on children.  In his report, George Barna goes on to say that "interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life. There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage," the researcher indicated.  If you are feeling good because your children have an intact family, consider their friends.  How many of them have experienced divorce?  And how might their experience impact your child’s future spouse?

In her interview, “Is your marriage a garden or a thorn bush?,” Dr. Thompson describes what a marriage can be like with cultivation and care.  As we “garden” to improve our own marriages, let us teach our children that a healthy marriage is not born of fairy tales but of work, commitment and sacrifice.

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