Associates in Christian Counseling

Defining Sexual Addiction

As most of us slept after a day of Thanksgiving festivities, a minor accident in the early hours of November 27, 2009, in an exclusive FL community was about to launch a discussion of sex addiction into the media spotlight.

In the past 4 months, nearly everyone has weighed in on this topic—mental health experts, celebrities, talk show hosts and water cooler discussions too numerous to count. So what exactly is sex addiction?

According to the 2008 Christianity Today article, “Help for the Sexually Desperate,” “an addiction to sex … is defined by obsessive sexual behavior regardless of the growing negative consequences for the person or their relationships. The sex addict has tried to stop but hasn't been able to do so, despite destructive results and deep feelings of shame. The addict can never hate the sin or himself enough to stop.” Under the umbrella of sexual addiction comes a variety of compulsive behaviors including having affairs, using prostitutes, or viewing pornography. Many mental health experts would rather use the term “intimacy disorder” which they believe is a more accurate description but pop culture will probably always prefer sex addiction.

According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, 3-5% of the US population struggle with sexual addiction. By their own admission, this estimate is considered very conservative since it is based only on the number of individuals actually seeking treatment. Despite those who have publicly admitted seeking treatment for sexual addiction such as David Duchovny, Michael Douglas or Tiger Woods, this is not an exclusively male struggle. In women, however, the label “love addicted” may be a more fitting description because of their generally more romantic, nurturing nature.

In 1991 Patrick Carnes, PhD, published the first major study of sexual addiction. Carnes surveyed both men (752) and women (180). Some of the results were striking:

97% responded that their sexual activity led to loss of self-esteem
96% reported strong feelings of guilt or shame
94% strong feelings of isolation and loneliness
91% feelings of extreme hopelessness or despair
90% acting against personal values and beliefs
88% feeling like two people
83% emotional exhaustion
82% strong fears about their own future
78% emotional instability

Typically they were unable to form close friendships and their feelings of shame and unworthiness made it difficult to accept real intimacy. Their behavior was never really about sex at all and they were certain they would be rejected if people found out about their “other” life.

According to Carnes, those who suffered sexual abuses during childhood have been at higher risk of becoming sexual addicts—until recently. Now, the internet with the ready availability of pornography in the privacy of one’s own home or office makes nearly everyone vulnerable. With one in three regular internet users visiting sexually oriented sites each month, millions more Americans may be considered at risk. In his book, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, William Struthers, a neuroscientist and professor of psychology at Wheaton College, provides detailed descriptions of brain physiology. He explains “how a person becomes addicted to the neurochemicals involved in love, romance, sexual arousal, and human touch. Addiction assumes that the brain becomes neurochemically dependent (tolerant) and will therefore crave activities, such as looking at pornography, that elevate those neurochemicals. This explanation gives scientific credibility to why ‘just looking’ at pornography can never be done without consequences. It suggests that Internet porn is the crack cocaine of sexual addiction.”
[http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/march/27.61.html]

Christians are not exempt. Most would say they believe pornography is morally wrong, yet statistics reveal something different. In a survey conducted by Internet Filter Review, 47% admitted that pornography was a major problem in their home. 53% of men belonging to Promise Keepers admitted viewing pornography in the previous week. A 2001 survey of evangelical Protestant clergy conducted by The Leadership Survey found that 40% of those responding struggled with pornography. A 2002 survey conducted by Rick Warren of Saddleback Church found that in the previous month, 30% of pastors had viewed pornography.
[http://www.baylor.edu/counseling_center/baretruth/index.php?id=35791]

If you or someone you love is struggling with secret sexual behavior, there are treatment options available which work. Suffering in silence is not necessary.

If you would like help, please call 336-896-0065, ext. 203,
and make an appointment today.