Associates in Christian Counseling

Can I Come Home?

While having dinner recently with friends, the topic of adult children came up. One woman stated very emphatically, “The empty nest is a lie!” She and her husband have experienced what many parents have—adult children moving home.

Historically, many young people married and stayed at or near home. We’ve all seen the farm houses with extra rooms tacked on here and there as families grew. It was part of survival to work together. As life and times changed, children launched from the nest after high school to go off to college. Today, however, many of those young adults are headed back home after that graduation.

A recent article in Penn State’s The Mentor: An Academic Advising Journal, describes the impact of our current economy on 16 to 24-year olds. “As of September, 2009, only 46% of people in the age bracket had jobs, the lowest since the government began counting in 1948. http://www.psu.edu/dus/mentor/100113rc.htm During the first 4 months of 2009, less than half of college graduates under 25 were working at jobs that required a college degree.

If they are fortunate enough to have a job, they still may find it hard to live on their own for other financial reasons. An entry-level salary may not be enough to live on starting out. For many others, the reality of credit card and student loan debt makes it impossible. The uncertainty of our current economic times may make the prospect of leases or mortgages intimidating.

For some, setbacks send them home. “Broken marriage is the most common stressor that creates this dilemma. Each year, nearly half a million young people between 20 and 24 are divorced, and many of them return to Mom and Dad in their time of crisis.” [Boomerang Children. Dr. Bruce Narramore & Dr. Vern Lewis, www.ncfliving.org]

In his book, Parenting Your Adult Child, Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that parents with adult children living at home consider themselves fortunate in many ways. “First, they are able to help their children; many parents lose close contact with their adult children….With these returning children, parents can form new bonds of love and affection while strengthening old ones; this can bring about some of the most meaningful memories between parents and children.” [p. 61-62] Due to birth order, this may provide the first one-on-one time for parent and child to grow and nurture their relationship apart from siblings.

Whatever the circumstances which raise the question—“Can I come home?”—it is an opportunity for all involved. Whether the answer is yes or no, the decision should not be reached lightly or impulsively. To simply enable a child does not help them move along the road to independence. Life, however, doesn’t often offer us a second chance. Having an adult child move home may provide a unique opportunity to do some things differently, to bring healing to the relationship, as well as a chance to get to know and appreciate each other as adults. It can be a unique time of great blessing.

If you are facing these issues and looking for guidance,
please call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, to schedule an appointment.