Associates in Christian Counseling

Letting Go of Your Adult Child — A Story in Three Parts

Part Three: Boomerang Kids

You’ve let go of your adult child. You’ve made a successful adjustment to the empty nest and the next stage of life. Now…guess who’s coming to dinner?!

According to jobtrak.com, an online job service for students, 60% of college graduates expect to move back home with their parents after graduation. 24% of those said they expected to be there more than a year. According to the National Survey of Households and Families, 10% of all children over the age of 24 now live with their parents. According to the Census Bureau, one third of American men between the ages of 22 and 34 still live at home
[www.super-solutions.com/helicopterparents_boomerangkids.asp].

Economics often plays a part in these decisions: student loan debt, credit card debt, low starting salaries, high housing costs. In many of these situations, time to pay down debt or save deposits is a wise choice. In other cases, a broken relationship may have an adult child needing a place to stay even bringing grandchildren along as well. Sometimes it is the prodigal coming home to pick up the pieces, heal and start again. Each family is different. Each situation is unique, but healthy boundaries will ease the transition in every one. Think through several key issues as you consider this possibility:

·• What is the purpose for moving home?
·• What might a reasonable timeframe be to accomplish whatever that purpose is?
·• What will the financial arrangements look like?
      --Will they pay rent? Money toward other expenses?
      --If money is not an option, will they provide other services instead?
·• What will they do to contribute to the upkeep of the household?
·• How will you handle privacy and communication?
      --It is especially important to remember that although they are your child they
        are also an adult entitled to privacy much like a boarder rather than a teenager

It may be necessary to revisit these questions from time to time as a situation evolves or circumstances change.

Couples with a healthy marriage often find that having an adult child move home brings unexpected blessings. They no longer have to be in charge or in control. There are no decisions to be made about friends or curfews. Instead they have a unique opportunity to develop an adult-to-adult relationship—to see each other in new ways and with a fresh outlook.

If you are dealing with the possibility of a crowded nest, remember we serve a God of second chances and perhaps this is an opportunity to show that grace to your child.

If you need help developing good boundaries with a boomerang child,
Call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, to make an appointment.