Letting Go of Your Adult Child — A Story in Three Parts

Part One: Launching to the Future

“Letting go of your adult child” will mean distinctively different things to different parents. It may mean choking back tears as August approaches and that recent high school graduate heads off to college for the first time. If you’ve already navigated that transition, it may mean an upcoming wedding and contemplating the creation of a new separate family unit.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, of the nearly 3 million students who graduated from high school between October, 2006, and October, 2007, 67.2% went on to attend college. 64% of those were attending four-year institutions and 93.2% of them were full-time students. These statistics confirm that each summer millions of parents will deal with seeing their child leave home to pursue further education. If this is such a common experience, why does it come with such strong emotions?

If we were to list the goals of parenting, certainly raising independent, self-supporting children would be at or near the top of the list. If this goal is achieved, by necessity an empty-nest would be created. By its own description, a nest that was full and is now empty means loss. The absence of a child with whom you shared every day events and for whom you had responsibility is a major life change. Whether they are leaving for college, work, or marriage, you may have spent months walking closely through the detailed plans for the future. When they finally walk through that door—of a dorm room or their own home-- loss occurs and grief is the normal human response.

The first step to healing the grief is to identify your feelings and share them with a spouse or close friend. Sadness can lead to depression or anxiety if it is not identified or addressed. Next, would be to think about plans for your own future. There will be extra time now. How would I like to use it? The possibilities are endless once we decide to view this transition as a new opportunity for oneself as well as the child. It could mean renewing a marriage that’s become child-focused, trying a new pursuit that’s been put off for many years, volunteering, going on a mission trip, etc. Time, communicating, and prayer may change your focus to see this as a new adventure for you.

©2008 Associates in Christian Counseling, all rights reserved.

If you are struggling to understand who you are now that your child
is beginning the next stage of their life,
call 336-896-0065, ext. 203, to make an appointment.